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The 8 Trickiest Foods for Bearded Men

The 8 Trickiest Foods for Bearded Men

The 8 Trickiest Foods for Bearded Men

Eating can be a messy affair when you have a beard, even when you eat carefully. Some of your favorite foods can end up being ridiculously tricky to eat without them getting smeared, soaked, or dripped across your beard. A critical tactic for being a proud Beard Club member is knowing which foods may result in a sloppy disaster. But don’t despair—there’s no need to starve yourself to keep your whiskers tidy. Some meals will definitely be tougher to tackle than others, but as long as you prepare yourself before tucking into them, you’ll be able to come out squeaky clean even after the dessert cart has rolled past. 

Grab your bib and pocket some hair ties, friend. We’re about to dive into the trickiest foods you can eat with a beard—and with our handy tactics, you’ll come out feeling full and looking sharp.

Tricky Meals

Soups & Cereals

Anything that requires a spoon is bound to be trouble for your beard—the potential for spills and dribbles looms over these saucy selections. On top of that, long beards have a knack for finding the bottom of bowls with uncanny accuracy, and good luck sipping from a spoon without soaking your ’stache. 

Breaktime and soup courses have one thing in common: You’ll want to be on guard and prepared to clean up any beard dunks as quickly as possible. Letting that mess linger in your hair will lead to you being followed around all day by some truly unpleasant smells. Once you’ve cleaned your bowl, do the same for your beard with a once-over, clearing away the remains of any liquid splashes or other sticky bits.

Egg Yolks

A gooey, undercooked egg on a sandwich or bagel can be heaven for breakfast—but it’ll make your beard like it never woke up, because it’s nightmare. Bite down too hard, and you’ll send that egg’s delicious yolky delights gushing into your whiskers. Want to avoid wearing egg on your face (and your beard)? 

The simple solution is to take your time. Eat slowly and carefully, and you should avoid this eggiest of situations. It’s also an excuse to savor every single bite, and it’s good for digestion, so really it’s the perfect solution all around. And if you end up with any lingering eggy bits, the Beard Club’s trademark Beard Comb is the perfect way to clear it out.

Bagels & Cream Cheese

Who doesn’t love a bagel smeared with unreasonable amounts of cream cheese? No one, that’s who. But there’s a dark side to the perfect combination of toasty carbs and creamy spread: It’s almost impossible to eat one without a heaping helping of the cheese squeezing out. Even if you take the open-face approach, you still have to contend with your mustache dabbing into the spread. 

Chances are, a bagel is going to end up unleashing some of its innards into your beard no matter how cautiously you approach it. Keep a napkin at the ready, and be prepared for a quick clean-up once you’ve finished.

Ribs

Everything to this point? Amateur hour. Now we’re getting into next-level danger when it comes to bearded life. Ribs are perhaps the single greatest enemy known to a manly mustache. Trying to enjoy ribs without slathering your beard and mustache in that delicious sugary-sour sauce—well, that’s an exercise in futility. You could blot the BBQ sauce from the meat before you take a bite, but talk about missing the point! 

No, you just have to accept that a mess is inevitable. This is the kind of job you’ll need paper towels and wet wipes for. Chomp down, enjoy your ribs, then pull out your cleaning products to give that beard a much-needed once over. Once you’ve wiped away the worst of the splash damage, you’ll absolutely want to put some Beard Club Beard Spray to work. Not only does it help clean and restore shine to your whiskers, it also leaves your facial hair smelling fresh rather than like leftover BBQ.

Sandwiches With Condiments

What’s not to love about sandwiches? There are so many options to choose from… not to mention countless condiments to slather on. From basics like catsup and mustard to pro-tier add-ons like guacamole and custom aiolis, sauces of the spice of life when it comes to building a sandwich. 

But if you go overboard with your customization, you may find yourself stuck with a sandwich built for a brutal beard beat-down. You’ll want to be mindful of what’s in your sandwich, not to mention prepared for the ways it could all come tumbling forth, dripping down, and oozing out.

Powdered Donuts

Let’s be honest about this one: Powdered donuts are a tricky food even for people without beard. They taste great, but that that sugar coating always seems to be looking for an excuse to escape and come raining down on your hands, your clothes, and of course your whiskers. There’s really no way to tuck into these treats and not come out looking like you just trudged through a blizzard afterwards. Even if your facial hair is naturally white and causes the sugar to blend right in, you’ll still end up with a sticky situation from this calamitous confection. A wet paper towel and some Beard Spray should do the trick here—but make sure you’re thorough!

Ice Cream

Sitting high atop the list of tricky foods to eat with a beard: Ice cream. It’s right up there with ribs! It’s a perfect summertime treat, but there are just so many ways for this snack situation to turn sour. Slow-dripping cones. Bowls of soupy cream. Sprinkles sprinkling everywhere. All this and so much more. 

Ice cream is without a doubt the toughest dessert challenge you’ll face when trying to eat and keep your beard clean at the same time. It’s just about impossible, really. Even if you try hard to steer clear of a minor beard mishap, all you can really do is prepare for the inevitable. While napkins and wet wipes can help, you may need to spend some time with a faucet and mirror to set things straight. And you’ll definitely want some Beard Shampoo to give your whiskers a proper cleansing at your first opportunity. 

It’s a hassle, sure. But hey—ice cream. It’s worth it.

Who’s hungry?

The way we see it, only two things in life are certain; the need to eat and the desire to wear a beard. If you plan on growing out those whiskers, you’ll have to learn to manage messy situations. Don’t let your facial fuzz stop you from enjoying your favorite snacks, meals, and desserts. Just be ready for the mess your feeding frenzy creates. With a bit of practice and care, you’ll be able to munch on all your favorites with nary a drop defiling your majestic mane.

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