Mythological Man of the Month: Zeus

The Greek gods of old were the stuff of legend. The Greeks created their images of their gods and goddesses for many reasons. Temples would house statues of their deities for worship and veneration. They produced not only world class works of art, but incredible thrilling stories.

Which leads us to our mythological man, by the Beard of Zeus, we call upon Zeus, the Father of the Gods and Father of men!

Some of you may be familiar with Zeus, as the bearded great god of the ancient Greeks. We’re going to give an old mythological history lesson for the uninitiated.

Zeus Origins

Zeus was a bearded legendary god in his own right. From the high tops of Mount Olympus reaching into the clouds, he ruled the gods and men. Zeus, wielder of his signature thunderbolt was an accomplished god, he had to fight his way to the top before he was even born.

Before Zeus became the ultimate recipient of beard envy from his Greek cohorts, he was just an idea. An idea that caused his Titan father Cronus to consume and swallow all of his children. This isn’t even that weird compared to other things that happen in Greek Mythology.


Cronus was told by an oracle that one of his children would rise up and defeat him. So in typical self-fulfilling prophetic fashion, he decided to stop that before it happened.  His mother Rhea hid Zeus in a cave where he was raised by Gaia, mother earth herself. Before Zeus could begin his reign he had to overcome and defeat his father Cronus..

As Zeus grew to manhood, some say he was born with a beard, he dethroned Cronus, the King of Titans. Two of Zeus’s brothers are Hades and Poseidon, Gods of their own respective realms. They’re also pretty badass with their own flowing manes. He then divided the rule over the world between his brothers.

Zeus’s Will Shall Be Done

As the ruler of heaven, Zeus could pretty much do whatever the hell he wanted and he did. Oh trust me he did. After disposing of the Titans and banishing them to Tartarus, an underworld below Hades, he kept his reign safe from anyone who’d oppose him. He ensured victory against the Titans and was quick to dismiss and crush any ensuing god rebellions.

All members of the Pantheon resided in Heaven with Zeus. This was also one of the only reasonable places a god of weather should reside. From his position upon the mountaintop,  he ruled over the affairs of men, omniscient and all powerful he rewarded those that were good and punished those that were evil. Zeus was the protector and great bearded man in the sky.

Don’t mess around with Zeus, homie didn’t play. Zeus’s punishments were harsh and often eternal. The Titan Prometheus, who is also rich in mythological history and in some Greek stories regarded as the creator of mankind, was royally destroyed by Zeus. Prometheus’ punishment for stealing fire for humans, was to have his liver eaten eternally by an eagle everyday.

Atlas was forced to hold up the heavens for all time, for his role in the War of the Titans, you could guess what side he was on. Old Sisyphus was punished by having to roll a stone up a hill forever. Don’t even get us started with the first woman of the world, we don’t want to open that Pandora’s box. Thanks Zeus.

Zeus’s Many Women

Zeus’s main woman was Hera. A jealous and ravenous God, he wouldn’t stand for anyone coveting his wife. Thus was the case for young Ixion, a man that was cast into the cosmos, eternally stuck to a spinning fiery wheel for lusting after Hera. Oh Zeus.

The list of punishments Zeus ushered out goes on and on. As does that for his list of women. If Zeus wasn’t out dispensing justice he was off getting busy with the ladies, both mortal and immortal. Our boy Zeus did not discriminate.

Hey ladies

Throughout Zeus’s sexcapades he raised and created a whole host of Gods and Demigods, ranging from Aphrodite, the Goddess of love and beauty to Dionysus, a God of wine, festivities and ritualistic madness. Hera was none too happy with Zeus over the years, throwing out her own hands of justice to those she caught Zeus sleeping with.

Regardless of Zeus’s marital treacheries, he ended up fathering scores of epic heroes who filled the pages of Homeric epics and inspired the Greek populace. Zeus and his beard will always have a place in mythology. Now bearded brothers, as you go off and stroke the beard, invoking the might of Zeus, you know a little bit more of the rich history of our mythological man of the month.

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