Fellow constituents of a bearded nation, we face many issues that seek to derail us from having perfect beards. The last time we’ve been represented in the majority hasn’t been since the late 19th century.
Regardless, we trudge on as our beards of solitude languidly and patiently grow to the floor. The least we can do is care for our beards and show the nation and world we aren’t lowly savages, but bearded Gods. We do this everyday through caring for our beards and being part of something greater than us, or our beards.
Dollar Beard Club has been there for you in the morning hour and long after the dusk has settled.We’ve taken beards of all kinds throughout the land and brought them into the bearded revolution.
Join the Party
Our party of beards is an open organization. We are inclusive for all those with beards, mustaches, and future growers. That is why we seek for you to be a full member of the organization. We are offering the Beard Party’s kit for a Stronger Beard for a Stronger America (foreign nationals welcome).
A proper beard care regimen is done through many tools, oils, and balms for a premier bearded presence. Just take a look at our perfectionist friend Patrick Beardsman, one could even say his regimen borders on the deranged.
Joining the party comes with a whole host of benefits. You’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror with a full face of pride. Say goodbye to old dry hairs, lackluster shine, and general disappointment in what could have been.
Opportune Time to Join
Differentiate yourself from the clean shaven masses. November is more of our month than ever. Not only does the introduction of the Beard party land on prime time for this year’s election cycle, but it’s also a part of the Movember movement.
Among our ranks we do not discriminate between those growing their mustaches or beards out for the first time. The Facial Hair Fraternity has come undone into a new era. This is peak beard season boys.
It is the month where we make the divide between the men and the boys. A month where we decide who deserves to call themselves part of the club and who will shave their fraught faces with defeat!
On the Issues
Our stance on the issues are simple. Stop shaving, break your razor, eat it, we don’t care just get rid of it. Brothers who have sat in oppression for years, use your mandated excuse for Movember to get out there and let your face forest flourish.
It’s more than just a month to go out and let you whiskers free, but a time to help your fellow brothers in arms. Hundreds of million of dollars has already been donated to battle cancer and mental health issues for men.
No worries here brothers don’t let the beards fool you, we aren’t all radicals here. There is a wide range of decisions of products you can mix and mash together to create your own individualized Beard Party Kit.
The decision is yours today. We’ll stand behind you all the way, readying ourselves to welcome another one into the brotherhood.