How to Eat Differently with a Beard

Eating becomes a whole new type of ordeal when you have a beard. Guys with minimal facial hair can even attest to that. It first starts with the mustache wipe, your fingers swipe some stray liquid off your face. Before you know it, you’re picking out crumbs from breakfast.

It’s important to realize that a lot of things are going to be different for a new beardsman. It can be a messy affair if you’re not careful. It’s also highly unlikely we’re going to stop eating our favorite foods. There are a lot of things we can do differently to ensure our beards stay clean and we can eat with as much vigor and spice as we’re used to sans beard.

Smooth Eating Tips

Use your utensils and tools to your advantage. A fork for example allows you to maneuver through those overlapping roots and crisscrossed hairy lip guardians. Food comes in all different shapes, sizes, and textures. Some of these aren’t going to sit well by eating them with your fingers.

You have to watch out for grease dripping down from your lips to your chin. Utensils help you angle the food into your mouth without having to worry about where the rest goes. This is even more important for crumbled food or stuff that splits up pretty easily.

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Now there are times that you aren’t going to have food made for utensil eating. Foods like pizza, burgers and sandwiches are all foods you’ll want to eat with your hands. While you probably won’t want to cut this up, there are other things you can do.

You’ll want to stay prepared, napkins are essential. Even if you follow the rest of these tips, there is bound to be some friendly fire. Take it slow with big food and take small bites. Take your two fingers and pinch out your mustache to be out of your mouth’s range. Have the napkins on hand if you have to wipe in between bites. Just try to avoid the dripping.

Warning: Incoming Debris

If you want to keep foods from falling to their eventual doom, you have to be a conscious eater. Something that most non-beardsman are unaware of. It’s a good habit as you’ll become a cleaner eating man than the shaved.

Some foods like pasta have the habit of breaking off mid bite and blending in with your beard. The bigger your beard, the harder it’ll be to get rid of these stray strands. Foreign noodles will try to blend in and morph into an additional bearded accessory. Try to find these little guys before they fall. 

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When eating soup, make sure that you measure it out in the spoon to avoid any overflow from dripping down into your beard. Now drinks are a whole other story. After a few too many beers or mixed drinks, you’ll find that your mustache has become a waterfall, and beard is a pond full of liquor.

Staying Proactive 

Either embrace your natural fertilizing alcohol or be ready to wipe that stuff off your face A.S.A.P. There is no good way to avoid drinks flowing through the beard if you’re a bit lit. If all of these methods don’t stop the inevitable, make it a point to carry some napkins around. If you’re really looking to bring it back old school, carry a handkerchief.

They’re really not that unsanitary as others would have you believe. Just make sure to wash it everyday, grab yourself a new one and you’ll never have to worry about eating or drinking with your beard ever again.

1 thought on “How to Eat Differently with a Beard”

  1. One other matter that wasn’t addressed. For those with a bit more of a beard that could be likened to a carpet, keeping it out of your plate of food that one forgets about as well. Nothing like enjoying a nice conversation at dinner with friends and family and every time you lean into your boredom food you dip your manly beard into your food and bring part of it out with you.

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