How to Trim a Beard

There may come a time in your beard’s life when it needs a little trim. This might seem simple, but there are some important skills and tools to familiarize yourself with before you tackle the task—so take notes:

Useful Trimming Items:

  • Boar Bristle Brush
  • Electronic Razor (Optional)
  • Scissors (Non-Safety)
  • Beard Comb

The process of a beard trim can be broken down into a few key steps.

1. Determine Your Beard Type (Length)

For simplicity’s sake, there are three lengths of beard: short, medium, and long. Facial hair also has varied levels of curls and thickness. For a trim, beard length is what you’re mostly concerned with.

Longer beards will rely more on using a brush and scissors to cut through that forest of tangled hair. Short and medium length beards can typically be trimmed with an electronic razor.

2. Brush the Beard Out

Begin by brushing your beard out with a comb or beard brush. The most suspect areas for a trim are the chin and below the jawline. It’s important that all stray hairs have been brushed off and everything is visible. Shorter beards can benefit from a good brushing too.

3. Cut the Beard

There are two good methods for cutting your beard you should be aware of. The first will require your beard comb and scissors. These tools can be used for all beard lengths.

METHOD 1: Take the comb and put it in the midst of your facial hair. Let the intended amount you want to trim stick through the teeth. This could be an inch or only a fraction of an inch. Use the scissors to cut away at the hairs that stick through. Methodically move from one area to the next.  

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Self-Trim

METHOD 2: Again, hold the comb at the length you’d like to but, but this time use an electric razor for a tighter trim. The comb can then be turned around and its edge can be used to guide the buzzing of the neckline, cheeks and sideburns.

4. Beardscape & Clean-Up 

After the trimming has been done, it’s time to go through the beard with a fine tooth comb (and scissors). Look for any flyaway hairs and get rid of them individually.

Now is a good time for a shower with some beard shampoo (a face rinse & oil combo will do the job as well).

Grey beard & Scissors

These are just a basic blueprint for a regular beard trim. Individual styles will vary, and you may develop your own beardscaping tricks and techniques over time.

Prepping Your Beard For Special Occasions

There are certain occasions in life that we’re required to be neat and prepared for (or it’s at least helpful). Let’s examine a few of these these events and discuss how a bearded man should get ready:

Job Interview 

Most bearded brothers can admit that they’re not always looking their neatest. The dreaded morning beard wakes up with us, and we occasionally shrug it off. No guy will admit to a”bad hair day”— We just throw on a hat, and sometimes the beard gets ignored.

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When heading into a job interview, always make sure to have applied the usual routine  of beard oils and balms. The Grand Beardo sees all — and he knows if you haven’t been a good bearded acolyte with your oils and such!

In addition to your daily grooming, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get an upkeep trim. Don’t take out the hedge whackers and leave your face an orphan. Keep the beard intact — just clean it up. Take heed of our bearded occupations and see what to do if you’re iffy about the best course of action to take here.

Date or Night Out 

Whether it’s a date out with the Missus or a round out with the guys, you need to make sure your beard is ready to roll and prepared for whatever is thrown at it. Sometimes beards can pick up odors if food isn’t wiped off fast enough. Don’t let it linger — put your napkin to work. Remember to shower and throw on some beard shampoo before heading out too.

Do a one-two in the mirror and make sure everything is good all over. Don’t be self conscious of bringing the comb with you either — You may wake up in uncharted territory in the morning, and you’ll want to be prepared for a great escape. Beard out.

Barber Stop 

Give your bearded barbers an easy job by coming clean so the beard is even all around. The same goes for your hair stylist, so they can determine the best style for your face shape and beard. There’s no need to layer up on balms if you’re just going for a routine beard trim.

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Dental Appointment 

This is something only true beard aficionados will realize is an issue. Beards can act as a drape over your mouth and cause some trouble for dental work. It’s not that major, but it can be a nuisance. Dentists can be rough around the mouth, and those latex gloves can pull hairs out.

The only man allowed to pull hairs is the beard owner! If you want to make sure your beard stays safe, then load up on the balm beforehand. Areas of interest here include the mustache and sometimes the side of the beard. Control these areas and be prepared for the worst.

There’s plenty of other important occasions when it’s vital to keep your beard on point. Your best bet is to devote yourself to a faithful routine of beard maintenance so your facial hair is ready for anything.

 

Beards Featured in Great Artistic Works

Art imitates life, or is that life imitates art? Throughout the millennia genius artists have depicted archetypical myths, inherent truths and stories through their craft. A great many of these works feature beards in all their splendid glory. The detail and structure in these works show that the beard played a prominent role in these masterpieces.

We’ll start with a renowned painter everyone knows.

Vincent Van Gogh

Van Gogh’s life was anything but simple. His work is a standard bearer in the most basic of art classes. How many times have we retraced those maddened paint-strokes of the premier misunderstood artist?  The Starry Night is a nocturnal abstract expression of what was going on in this great mind. Stylistic choices like this translated into his many self-portraits.

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Van Gogh’s many self-portraits point towards his ailing health, lack of care for his body and tortured self-mutilated acts of artistic insanity. Note that in this painting, the beard doesn’t look that unkept. Like any aloof man being photographed or sketched, Van Gogh never looks towards his intended audience. Blank eyes stare off into the abyss.

He was an unsuccessful artist during his lifetime and was also considered a failure. Van Gogh’s expressionist and avant-garde genius gained prominence posthumously, lest we also forget his expert-level depictions of his faithful beard.

Trevi Fountain 

This famed fountain in Rome, Italy is one of the largest of its kind and its importance is known worldwide. Towering 86ft high, it boasts a Baroque style crafted in the 15th century. Right in the middle of this goliath stands Neptune or Poseidon, depending on your pagan sensibilities. Don’t confuse this fountain with its replica in Las Vegas. It’s mythical qualities supersede anything that sought to copy it.

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A master of the ocean, Neptune is led by his chariot and accomplices to both of his sides. The interpretation of the differing temperaments of the animals is symbolic of the serenity and pure spontaneity of the sea.

The God’s beard is like a manifestation of the waters. Its wavy flows are the envy of all mere mortals. To command a beard like that would require some serious ambrosia-like oils of the gods.

Bacchus and Ariadne

There is a lot going on in this oil painting by Titian, a 16th century Italian painter. He was also another artist whose many portraits portrayed bearded painters. This famed painting drew from deep historical roots from the likes of Ovid and Catullus. It depicts Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine, based off his more ancient counterpart — Dionysus, in a procession of revelry.

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Notice in the bearded procession the heavily bearded snake entwined Satyr. There are many interpretations of this Dionysian naturalistic painting. Our bearded envoy is entombed in nature’s unrelenting grasp. His wild hair is indicative of nature’s hold over all of us, human and animal included.

The Khrosabad Gate

Assyrian art dating back to the 700’s BCE time project a stunning depiction of royalty and beards. In the Procession of figures, an elite royal showcases his stunningly intricate beard. He is then followed by a troupe of shaved men.

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This piece of art history is just one of many in the area. There are winged beasts with faces of man reminiscent of the Egyptian Sphinx. It is important to savor these works as they are precariously held in tumultuous areas of distress.

The inclusion or exclusion of beards in works of art are telling of the culture during that time and whether or not a great importance was placed on them. For many works they were central to the identity of the characters they represent.

10 Animals With Better Beards Than You

There are many animals in this world that rock some killer beards. Plenty of the men in our brotherhood even have canine companions with powerful manes. This is nature’s way of thanking us for embracing the beard.

The Great Beard, in it’s infinite wisdom gave us a whole slew of bearded beasts, and made these beasts in it’s own image and saw that they were good.

Canine

Our domesticated wolves have some amazing beards. There are plenty of dog breeds that grow beards from the time they’re young until they’re old and creaking around the house. Just look at the wisdom on this beast:

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Goat

The original mountaineer and horned beast of the land. Goats grow their beards a cut above the rest. Long and angled, their sleek beards stretch far beneath their chins.

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Bearded Dragon

Slithering, cold-blooded, reptile of the land. This dragon doesn’t spit fire, but he does rock a mean neck-beard. This is a scaly looking beard, but it reigns supreme in the reptile kingdom.

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Bison

An ancient roamer of the worlds fields and undisputed champion of the Bovine Brotherhood — we have the great Bison. His beard is an extension of his thick body-hair. Their dark brown coats stand in stark contrast to the lush green fields they roam.

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Emperor Tamarin

An Emperor swoops down from the trees, and it calls the Amazon rainforest home. The white mustache shows a wisdom beyond its years. You wouldn’t want to mess with one of these little guys.

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Lion

The King. It’s no surprise that the Lion is a symbol of royalty and prestige. It’s an animal we aspire to be like. Lounging around the savannas, they command the awe and wonder of the animal kingdom. All men strive to have something akin to the magnificent lion’s mane.

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Orangutan

These are premier forest dwelling primates. Their orangish fur is instantly recognizable. They are an intelligent species that spend most of their time in the trees, and their beards fit well with their thick coats.

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Inca Tern

This bird definitely warrants a double take. His handlebar is the envy of any man who ever wanted a 1920s mustache. The bird was born with this style and didn’t even need our wax.

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Markhor

The grandfather of all long, thick, beards is here. The glorious beard on the Markhor covers the entire lower half of the body.

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Seal

Our last bearded animal is this great mammal from the sea. Master of the waves and inspiration for Frederich Nietzche’s iconic mustache, we have our seal beard.

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Top 10 Daily Comments Every Bearded Man Receives

Facial hair is a daily topic of conversation for bearded men— largely because everyone seems to have something to say, or a pressing question to ask about the beard. Here are some of the most common comments beards are bound to hear:

1. Did you forget to shave?

This comment is usually for a new bearded brothers. The shift from the non-shave to bearded brotherhood is a rite of passage. This comment may persist if you’re a man who likes to rock the scruff at times.

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This is my life now.

2. How long have you been growing it?

Once you answer this question you’ll receive one of two perspectives: People will think that you’ve been growing for an incredibly long time and those who suggest it hasn’t been long at all. REGARDLESS- the perspective rests with the beard who grows it. A Yeard is serious business.

3. I wish I could grow a beard like that.

When someone says this to you it’s a sure way for them to be on the path towards beard envy. You have to wonder what’s stopping them from growing their own facial hair. Encourage the burgeoning brother— he may cultivate a garden of his own.

4. Do girls like you beard?

No. Women do. Next question.

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5. My work won’t let me grow it any longer than this.

Suggest they reconsider their occupation. If growing your beard is something you really want to do then do it. Speak to your employer and see if you can do something about changing your current circumstance.

6. You look like Grizzly Adams.

Excellent reference. This name can be replaced by a multitude of other bearded brothers— Take it as one of your premier compliments.

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7. Hell of a beard, brother.

Common greeting from one beard to another. Exchange bearded tips and tricks. Let them know you belong to the club and so do they.

8. Just shaved mine off a while back.

Curse them silently under your breath. Encourage them to get them back into the game. They’re missing an essential part of their being

9. I’ve been thinking about growing mine out for a while.

Encouragement. Again, get these guys to take the right step. This isn’t a solitary journey by any means. There are beards at all different levels that could do with a moral boost. We are a brotherhood after all.

10. My dad used to have a beard like that

Replace dad for cousin, brother, boyfriend or some manly bearded figure in this person’s life. You and their extended family or friends share an undeniable bond that the beardless will never understand… never.

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The Longest Beards of All Time

A man has a choice: To beard or not to beard. For that is never the question here. We already know the answer. There are some members amongst our bearded guild who go above and beyond. They are the templars of bearded knights and role models for what could be.

These men have all reached peak beard. Others have peaked higher… or lower — but there is one man who reigns supreme over all. In terms of length, our current record holder for longest living beard is Sarwan Singh. His beard was last measured in 2011 at (8 ft 2.5 in).  

Current Champion of Length

No two beards are alike — that much is true. There are some who are content with their length, and others simply grow without thought. Our guy Sarwan has been growing this beard his entire life. As a Sikh, it is within his religious beliefs to not shave the beard— something every man with facial hair can appreciate.

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His beard has landed him on numerous talk shows where he displays his long winding beard to the floor and beyond. While his facial hair is certainly a feat, many beards have come before him — Beards that we shudder to think really existed; beards that, to this day, still exist long past their owner’s lives. There was once such a beard.

Originally from Norway (Viking of course), Hans Langseth (1846 – 1927) moved to the United States with his wife to Iowa. He began growing his beard to prepare for a beard competition when he was only 19 years old, and he never looked back. For the rest of his life he let his beard grow as long as it possibly could.

Beard hair can only grow a certain length before being replaced with new outgrowth, which rids the beard of old hair. Hans got around this by matting his hair; a kind of dreadlock for the beard.

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Hold my beard, I’m going in.

Hans went around to exhibitions showcasing the madness encompassing his face. Surprisingly, there have been many other beards that have grown to extraordinary lengths.

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The 19th century was a hell of a time with beards that took lifetimes to grow. You’d be hard pressed to find anything of this caliber around today. Although these men could have done with some beard oil. Who knows what lengths these masterpieces could have grown to. Perhaps someone alive today will fill their legacy.

The golden age will come again.

Finding the Ideal Length    

Beards are meant to be experimented with. There is a lot of potential to grow out elaborate braided styles once you get to a certain length. Envision expert level mythical dwarf craftsmanship but on the modern man.

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Hans Langseth

The variety of beards get more interesting the longer they get. Maybe you’re not looking to get involved with a beard competition, but growing your beard past the half foot mark is a huge accomplishment. None of us got there alone. A proper beard of that length needs tender loving care. You truly never know where your beard may take you.    

Bearded Organizations Throughout Time

Deep within primeval forests the beards of men stirred and grew wild. Before our enlightened view of ourselves through self-reflection, our beards went unquestioned. Hunters would look into shallow pools of water to see their scruffy hair-filled faces looking back.

No distinction was made of man without his beard. Before there was symbolic representation in the form of words and social conventions, the beard existed in its most natural sacred form. It was only the years past time immemorial that beards came to be known as something separate from man. Thus grew the many social institutions beards clung to.

Religious Orders

From before the archaeological record and beyond, our pagan human religions have housed mighty God-men with undeniable bearded locks. The entire pantheon of Graeco-Roman gods from the likes of Zeus to Saturn wore nature’s greatest gift. The archaic religions of early mankind were intrinsically tied to beards. Facial hair was represented in all areas of the world.

Our wandering all-father Odin was the prototypical wizard we see in modern-day fantasy. Those that chose to worship these many gods wore their beards in mimicking fashion to become like them. “Beardliness is next to Godliness,” a peasant from yore once spoke. As our collective religious conscious shifted to monotheistic Abrahamic religions such as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam; the beard still maintained its relevancy.

Through the years, sects of these religions have donned their facial hair to distinguish themselves from “unbelievers” neighboring tribes and nations. Their mightiest figures and prophets all shared the same important trait. The beard takes many forms throughout religious history. Its one constant is growth. It will not be displaced. Under any auspice of religious worship lies the truth. The beard is constant.

Political Orders

Our American constituents will be proud to know that the founding of the United States and subsequent schism to preserve equality for all, was a major victory in bearded history. Our revolutionary founding fathers had a tricky relationship with beards as they still harbored some old cultural baggage from their English counterparts.

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It wasn’t until the shining political representation of Abraham Lincoln that beards were brought to the forefront of policy. Following the Lincoln years came generations of bearded presidents. It was a time of reconstruction, and it didn’t stop until the early 1900s.

Mustachioed men ended the legacy of facial hair in this presidential line. It truly is a shame that we lack any modern, bearded representation. Americans can only dream of their current crop of representatives slowly being replaced by beard aficionados. Until that day comes, we wait for a new order.

Modern Revival

Who is to be our new savior? For years, our beards lay scattered in distress without anyone to rally behind. Maybe religion wasn’t your trip, and you’re just an individual keen on your beard defining your individuality. Perhaps you were compelled to grow by the current cultural revival of facial hair.

Our reasons and the paths that led us to the beardhood are varied. Somewhere in the collective mind-scape of bearded men came an idea, no… a calling. A calling to bring our new cohorts of evolutionary strength and superiority into one cohesive group. A brotherhood meant to honor the ancestral heritage of man. The Beard Club was borne out of this calling to groom us for something greater.

Our new revival offers every man the privilege to reclaim his natural equilibrium. Enter into the fold brother. This is man’s new home.