Game of Beards

Game of Beards

For years now, the tagline for Game of Thrones has been, “Winter is Coming.”  Of course, those who are up-to-date on the series know that Winter has already arrived! It took seven seasons to get to this point, which is more than enough time for the cast to have grown some fantastic facial hair. With the final season kicking off this weekend, let’s take a look at some of the best and worst facial hair Westeros has to offer.

You would think the true King of the North would spend a bit of time growing a beard which could strike fear in the hearts of his enemies. Instead, Jon seems to have gone the chinstrap and wispy mustache combo. Perhaps once Jon takes the Iron Throne, he’ll be able to call in the royal groomers for a bit of styling help.

Rating: 2 out of 5 beards

While Tyrion has been spotted clean-shaven a few times, he more often runs with some sort of traditional beard. Whether sharply styled or a bit more rugged, Tyrion’s facial hair is a sight to behold. When you’re constantly wheeling and dealing to save your skin, having a beard to hide your facial tells is always as smart idea!

Rating: 5 out of 5 beards

The scheming Littlefinger is known for sweet-talking people to their face and then stabbing them in the back. Somehow, his facial hair perfectly reflects the man he is. The well-groomed mustache shows his shrewdness, while the soul patch and stubble give off major bad guy vibes. There’s something about the pairing which makes Littlefinger seem quite devilish.

Rating: 3 out of 5 beards

For a man who doesn’t seem to care about anything, The Hound manages to keep his beard in decent shape. When he’s not bashing in peoples’ skulls, he must be sneaking in some time for maintenance. The Hound probably keeps things fairly trimmed to give his fallen foes something nice to look up at in their final moments.

Rating: 3 out of 5 beards

Kahl Drogo does his own thing when it comes to facial hair, and we can respect that. While it’s a fairly standard beard for the most part, Drogo has grown out the chin portion and thrown in some decorative clasps. Everyone knows how hot beard decorations are in right now, which means the Khal was ridiculously ahead of his time!

Rating: 4 out of 5 beards

Bronn as a character has gone through an amazing transformation throughout the series. His facial hair has done the same, but unfortunately not in a good way. Bronn’s beard has become a patchy mess, and we say his face deserves better. He needs to shave it all and leave the mustache, which is his best facial attribute by far. If not, hopefully Bronn reaches out for some of our Growth Vitamin Spray… he could certainly use it.

Rating: 1 out of 5 beards

Daario (the second version, not the original Fabio-looking model) has the beard you’d expect from someone who’s living a dangerous, fast-paced life. While it can be a tad unkempt overall, the basic shape is strong, and it suits his face very well. It helped him woo Daenerys for a few weeks, so we think Daario is doing more than fine.

Rating: 3 out of 5 beards

Oh Theon, facial hair simply isn’t your thing. It might be hard to notice Theon’s barely-there facial hair, as he has a ridiculously sparse mustache and pencil-thin chinstrap. It’s tough coming down hard on Theon, though. Without going into too many grim specifics, Theon’s had a rough time over the years. We’re thinking facial hair is the least of his worries.

Rating: 1 out of 5 beards

Jaime’s facial hair can be hard to spot at times, as he’s usually sporting a 5 o’clock shadow. It’s enough to give him something of an edge, and it works for him. There were a few years where Jamie had a much gruffer beard due to… reasons, and we wish he’d go back to that. Until then, stubble will do in a pinch.

Rating: 2 out of 5 beards

We’re finally getting back to some standout facial hair. While Jorah Mormont may have a rather straightforward beard, it is damn near perfection. It helps to convey who he is: A bad-ass with a giant heart walking the road to redemption. A simple style for an absolutely classic character. If we could make one recommendation, it would be some of our Beard Spray. After spending time as one of the Stone Men, Jorah’s beard could probably do with some refreshing.

Rating: 4 out of 5 beards

Stannis’ beard is one of the few beards which perfectly follows the character’s arc. The beard started out in-check and orderly, much like Stannis himself. As time went on, both the beard and Stannis became more disheveled and out of place. By the end, it was clear things had gone completely awry. At least the beard was put out of its misery!

Rating: 2 out of 5 beards

To know Samwell Tarly is to love him.  He’s caring, kind, and a bit goofy. Samwell used to be quite cowardly as well, but those days are long gone.  

It’s hard not to take all this into account when looking at Samwell’s facial hair.  A rather thin mustache with a beefed-up neckbeard may not make for the most pleasing presentation, but we’ll be damned if Samwell doesn’t make it charming.  It’s just not a style we’d want to see on anyone else.

Rating: 3 out of 5 beards

Now this… this is a beard! Tormund Giantsbane lives his life as a wildling raider, and his beard shows it. This is the beard of a man not tied down by anyone or anything! A fiery red beast which simply cannot be tamed! There’s no fiercer beard in the lands, and no other person more deserving.

Rating: 5 out of 5 beards

Hodor is another character whose beard sees a transformation throughout the series. What starts off as a few whiskers becomes a rather bushy showing, and it’s as white as the snow Hodor drudges through. He better be careful with the length, though.  Hodor wouldn’t want to get it caught in a door or something.

Rating: 2 out of 5 beards

Without a doubt, Davos Seaworth’s beard is another top-tier example from the series. Davos is a man’s man through and through, and his beard shows it. Strongly defiant in its two-tone nature, Davos’ beard stands out much like he does. While Davos is a skilled thinker and a battle-tested warrior, his beard alone is enough to want him fighting for your side.

Rating: 5 out of 5 beards

The world of Game of Thrones is jam-packed with bearded brethren. Did we manage to hand-pick some of your favorites? Did we forgot a notable beard or two? Hit up our social channels on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to let us know!

Comments

  • Logan Troxell
    REPLY

    Pretty fair rankings. Tormund is the best no question. I will say Jaime should be bumped up a bit after the season 8 premier.

    April 16, 2019

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